Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Randomize
