I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
