Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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