im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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