This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
