Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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