She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
