He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
