He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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