I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
