What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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