Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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