Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
