JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
