she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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