and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
