Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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