lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
