I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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