I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
