If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
