Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need a beard to bite.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
