..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
