he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
