My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
