I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
