I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
