I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
