fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
