my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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