Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
