Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
