remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
