I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
