You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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