I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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