Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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