he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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