Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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