It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
