I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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