hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
