I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
