Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
