im having a threesome with these popsicles
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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