clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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