Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Too much gin, very little bucket
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
