I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
