carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
