Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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