Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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