that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
