Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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