The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
