Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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