i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
