im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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