dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
