just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
