I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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