i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
