Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
