We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
