Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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