My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
