Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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