): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
