hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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